North Star
by PumpkinRomance
Summary: Alfred didn't want to-he couldn't-face facts. He wasn't ready. But when would he be? His twin was close to figuring it out and Britain...Arthur...it hurts too much. USUK, Franada; rated M for safety; Oneshot


_Arthur looked up into the inky black star filled sky and pointed at the brightest._

"_That is the north star." He whispered looking to his left and his right making sure he had both blue and purple eyes on him._

"_North." Matthew repeated, his purple eyes darting from the sky to Arthur and back again causing amusement and pride to bubble up inside of Arthur's chest._

"_Is there a south star? Or a west star? Or an east star?" Alfred asked his blue eyes staring intently at the sky only flickering back to Arthur of an answer. Arthur laughed and hugged both boys close._

"_No." Arthur smiled down at the twins. "But it is said that the north star will always lead you home safe and sound."_

"_It that true?" Matthew asked softly, his innocent eyes probing for an answer. _

"_It always leads me home safe, Mattie."_

"_I don't need a star to keep me safe." Arthur looked down at Alfred who had folded his harms over his chest._

"_Why not, Ally?"_

"_Because I know you will." Alfred continued to look off into space as Arthur's gaze grew soft. "You'll protect me and lead me home no matter what. You'll always be there, even when I don't want you to be."_

"_I'll always be here." Arthur repeated smiling down at the tiny child. "I'll always keep you safe I promise."_

/~/~/~/

Alfred doubled over with his right hand gripping the nob to his front door, his left hand covering his mouth, his eyes closed tightly as his body shook with the force.

"Sir?" Alfred barely acknowledged the voice behind him as the coughing fit subsided allowing the eighteen year old nation to straiten up and discreetly wipe his hand off with a handkerchief before he turned to acknowledge the person behind him. Some lackey of the government, a fucking politician.

"Yes?" Alfred finally asked, sick of being stalled by a person who was setting up his deathbed.

"You are going to the conference today, are you not?"

"No, I was planning on bungee jumping out of an airplane with a cord an inch too long and catching one of Britain's unicorns." Alfred huffed sarcastic as he tugged the door open and stormed out of the building, hoping to get as much space between him and them as he could. Alfred didn't even bother looking at the white scrap of cloth as he stuffed it into his pocket.

He didn't want to-he couldn't-face facts. He wasn't ready. But when would he be ready to-

"Never." Alfred sighed heavily before smiling at the sight of a new burger joint. "Now your a sight for this mans sore eyes."

/~/~/~/

Alfred walked into the World Conference with his happy-go-lucky shell plastered back around him almost like a cocoon. Ludwig was yelling about being on time to a G8 meeting, it seams Arthur had been late as well by the way he yelled back at Ludwig. Italy sat next to Ludwig babbling about pasta while Matthew, who was being coddled by Francis, caught Alfred's eye. Alfred tried in vain to look away but that soft and loving look in his twin brother's eyes felt so warm compared to the coldness that had been wrapped around him mere seconds ago.

"I was merely a minute late you bloody git." Arthur glared over the table at the German, his gaze full of frustration and anger.

'All that's missing is a dash of agonizing pain and we would be looking at the same face, German dude.' Alfred thought his eyes roaming around the table glad for once that Mattie was involved with his Francis. Alfred laughed a little to loudly to himself earning himself a glare from China and a surprised glance from both Japan and Russia. 'Mattie and Franny. Perfect.'

"That is not the point." Ludwig replied calmly as he fixed a stack of papers, sparing a glance over at Alfred who caught the flash of recognition, confusion, and pity as their eyes locked for a moment a question hardly suppressed in his light, piercing blue eyes before Arthur pulled Ludwig's attention back.

"Then what is the point you bleeding wanker?" Arthur asked angrily slamming his hands down on the table. Alfred jumped in surprise and erupted in a coughing fit dragging his feet off of the table and covering his mouth with his hands. The conversation broke for a few seconds before Arthur turned to attack Ludwig again.

Alfred felt something punch him in the back forcing him to very nearly slam into the table only to be pushed back by what felt like steel post and to punched in the back again.

'What the fuck?' Alfred thought weakly as the process continued to repeat itself.

"Stop it! You're hurting him!" Mattie's voice rang out, even in this moment being rammed into, rebounded, and rammed into again in what felt like a never end cycle of pain as his body attempted to rid it's self of a lung Alfred was comforted by the soft sound of his twin brother's voice. "Francis! Do something!"

"Immédiatement mon amour! Let vont vous idiot! Il n'est pas un jouet. He is not a toy! You're going to kill him!" The tag teaming of fist and post faltered.

"Da?" The rough Russian accent, as sharp and pronounced as Vodka, the Russian drink of choice, flowed like a babbling brook into his eardrum.

'Fucking Communist.' Alfred felt something warm and wet splash against his hand. It felt slimy and sticky. 'I fucking hate commies.'

Ivan released Alfred as his surprise attack subsided. Alfred watched through narrowed eyes as Mattie pushed Japan and Russia out of his way, his strength equal to his twin brother's Alfred had always secretively admired how Mattie hid his power from the others unlike how Alfred himself had always unknowingly and knowingly flaunted it, and pressed his cream colored scarf into Alfred's hands murmuring about how leaving his handkerchief at home was a blunder and ignoring the interested looks of the rest of the G8 as he ignored Alfred's protests and cleaned Alfred's hands without a second glance while Francis distracted the rest of the group by picking a fight with Arthur.

"Mattie." Alfred breathed as Matthew balled up the scarf and stuck it into Alfred's pocket. Alfred grabbed his brother's wrist forcing the younger twin to turn his purple eyes up at the elder. There was something there that Alfred didn't want to acknowledge, something that made Alfred want to hug Matthew tightly and at the same time push him as far away as he could.

Matthew took a deep, shaking breath. "How long?"

"It's not as b-"

"How long has this been happening, Ally?" Alfred winced at the use of his old nickname and his grip tightened around his twins wrist unable to look away from those sad purple eyes. "Just tell me."

"I don't know." Alfred watched as Matthew's eyes darkened and his gentle fingers wrapped around the wrist of the hand that held his captive. "A while I guess. I didn't keep track."

It was almost impossible to lie to his twin when he was locked in complete eye contact.

Almost.

"Estimate." Matthew replied his soft voice thick with emotion. "Please, just give me an estimation."

Alfred sighed, his breath coming out a little shaky. "Two months."

Matthew's eyes widened as a tear darted out of the corner of his eye and trailed down the pale skin. Alfred lifted his free hand and dabbed it away with a subtle flex of his thumb.

"Don't worry, Mattie." Alfred laughed ignoring the pain in his chest that mingled with the unsatisfied tickle deep in his throat. "I'll be better in no time. I promise, bro."

Alfred felt pressure on his wrist as he released his brother's wrist.

"Of course you will, Ally." Matthew blinked, tears running down his face, as he forced a sad smile wrenching Alfred's heart. "You always get better."

/~/~/~/

Arthur hung back at the meeting at the bidding of one of his old territories, Matthew Williams, aka Canada. Francis, the bloody eejit, had gone out of his way near the end of the meeting to inform him that Matthew wished to speak with him. The request had startled and annoyed Arthur. The tyke hadn't bothered to reach out or to see Arthur in years and now out of nowhere he wants to talk? After skipping a meeting? Arthur huffed to himself as he tossed his papers neatly into his briefcase before he snapped it closed, attempting to ignore how Alfred was swaggering towards the exit. Though only in failing in his attempt not to notice Arthur did notice the scarf that slipped out of the taller and younger nations pocket.

"Hey, America, you've dropped something."

Arthur slowly walked over to pick up the scarf he had called Alfred's attention, confused by the panicked look he gave the scarf and then the Brit before he stumbled out of the room.

"Well he sure was in a hurry." Arthur commented to himself as his thick, bushy brows frowned in confusion as he knelt to pick up the balled up cream colored scarf. The scarf unwound itself in Arthur's hands, his bright green eyes slowly widened in to horror. "Bollocks!"

Arthur peeled his gaze away from the scarf and looked at the door Alfred had just rushed out of, suddenly feeling unsteady as if the ground had just been ripped out from underneath him leaving him to fight gravity.

"That bloody-minded barmy."

/~/~/~/

Alfred had torn past the people in the street, pushed his way through his home, and had slammed the door to his room before he dropped to his knees his body wracked by another coughing fit, his eyes squeezed shut tightly as one hand held him up and the second wrapped around the front of his torso.

'It hurts.' Alfred felt his stomach convulse. 'Oh, God, please! Please God! Make it stop hurting so much!'

The fit subsided, leaving Alfred to pant from where he had collapsed while he regained his strength. With in a few moments he was pulling himself up using the bedpost, forcing himself not to look at the floor. Not to look down at himself. Not to look in the mirror.

'Arthur.'

Everything is fine. Perfectly fine. It's normal to cough. It's normal. Completely normal. People get sick everyday. Normal people.

'Athrur make it stop.'

Everything is fine.

"America!"

"Br-Brit-tain?" Alfred looked up without thinking, his blue eyes searching for the older, shorter nation's bright green eyes and shaggy short blond hair only to find his own blue eyes in the mirror across from himself. The friendly mirror that he slid in front of every morning showing him how kickass he usually looked. This time he looked far from badass. Blood stained the snow white collared shirt that had ripped open in Alfred's struggle to breath, it had splattered on his pants, and it dripped down the corners of his mouth, his chin, and down his chest. Alfred started to shake, unable to lie to himself. Unable to push it off. The truth hit him, hard, and he felt...he felt...

"Arther... I'm dying."

/~/~/~/

Arthur's feet didn't feel like they were on the ground. He couldn't think. He couldn't remember how he had ended up pounding on Alfred's front door with a blood stained scarf in his hands. He couldn't remember what the maid had said when she opened the door before he pushed past her, running to up stairs and throwing doors open.

"America!" Arthur dodged a man who threw himself at the nation and threw open the last door and slipped in slamming it shut, his heart thundering in his chest as he rest his face against the cold wood before the scent of blood curled up his nose.

"Arthur?" Arthur spun around to see Alfred, covered in blood, holding himself up with a bedpost. Arthur rushed forward just as Alfred began to slump down into the small puddle of blood on the floor.

"Alfred, you divvy." Arthur whispered as he caught the younger nation in his arms, sliding to the floor he's legs unable, too weak, to keep both of them up. "Why didn't tell anyone? Why didn't you-"

"You're going to say 'go to the doctor', aren't you?" Alfred coughed weakly, a little bit more blood steamed out of the corner of his mouth as he smiled. "I did. The dude said there was nothing he could do." Alfred choked out a laugh. "He said I'm not the normal patient. Besides, I didn't face the reality until you came."

Arthur looked down into Alfred's blue eyes shaking his head. "What reality? Your going to be fine. I know you are! I-I-I promised you!"

Alfred raised an eyebrow weakly at Arthur before he remembered.

"The north star." Alfred smiled up at Arthur who now had the younger nation's head in his arms. "You know, Iggy, you couldn't have saved me from everything. Even if I had let you try."

"I promised to keep you safe." Arthur's breathing hitched and his sight began to blur. "I promised that-!"

Alfred placed his hand over his hand over Arthur's mouth. "You can't save me from myself, dude. Besides, Iggy, you kept your promise you kept me safe for way too long." Alfred felt his pulse slow and skip a beat.

"But-"

"You always were there, weren't you?" Alfred whispered looking directly into Arthur's green eyes. Alfred took gentle hold of Arthur's chin and pulled him closer, still looking directly into those bright spring green eyes as he pressed his lips against the older nation's. Alfred pulled away in a coughing fit, leaving Arthur to let his tears fall freely.

"This can't be how it ends." Arthur tried to hold back the sobbing as Alfred looked back at him, his blue eyes soft. "I-I-"

"You were my-" Alfred coughed again before taking a deep breath. "-my home. The one person besides Mattie that...and I hate to do this-"

"Save your breath." Arthur tried to reach his phone only to be stopped by Alfred. "I need to get you to a hospital, Ally."

"To late. I need you to listen to me."

"No! You listen to me! I need to get you to the hospital!"

"Iggy, will you shut your fucking mouth and just listen?"

"No!"

"Bossy fucking dick." Alfred smiled weakly up at Arthur. "The first time in centuries that I want to be sentimental and you're fucking it up. Dickwad."

"Ally, don't do this to me." Arthur felt his shredded heart swell. "I don't-I can't-."

"I just thought you should know." Alfred took a labored breath, locking eyes with Arthur. "You were always my north star."

And then Alfred closed his eyes, his breathing hitched, and less then a minute later he was gone.

/~/~/~/

They found Arthur several minutes later curled around Alfred, refusing to let go until Matthew gently tugged him away his purple eyes expressing the nearly exact feeling of loss. They had both lost someone they loved that day. Both hadn't known until the very end what he had been hiding. All they had left was a memory and an idea after the funeral.

/~/~/~/

The two took Alfred's ashed back to their childhood home on the border and one night, when they were both ready, they went to spread the ashes on the hillside when Arthur had taught the twins Astrology.

Arthur took a hand full of ashes in hands, his heartbreaking for the tenth time that night. How could this be that lively little tyke he had cared for? How could this be that teenager that revolted for his freedom? How could this have been the man that, somehow, Arthur had grown to love?

His grip tightened around his handful of ashes.

"This can't be over. It can't end like this." Arthur whispered past gritted teeth as he allowed the ashes to escape from his grip. "You were my north star too. You always were." Several tears escaped. "What will I do with out you to guide me home?"

"I dunno. Maybe turn around and give me a hug?" Arthur looked over his shoulder to see Alfred standing right next to him.

"Are-Are you real?"

"It's a long, painful story." Alfred grimaced as he caught Arthur's eye and smiled. "But...let's just say...I almost actually died."

"And?"

"Do you really want to question it?" Alfred asked as he grabbed Arthur and pulled him against his body.

"Not right now." Arthur whispered as Alfred leaned down and pressed their foreheads together. "But I will later."

"Well, let's just say it's awesome to have an alien as a friend." Alfred smiled as he looked deep into Arthur's eyes. "So...I'm your north star too?"

/~/~/~/

Matthew stood at the bottom of the hill watching his twin and the man who raised him gaze lovingly into each others eyes. Not exactly what he expected to see as he dumped out the ashes of a maple tree that Alfred had asked him to burn, but it was a heartwarming scene. Matthew sighed as he turned around, catching a glimmer of golden blond out of the corner of his eye.

"You're such a stalker." Matthew laughed as Francis slipped out from behind a tree.

"I am not!"

"Idiot." Matthew rolled his eyes and grabbed Francis hand pulling him towards his family's home. "Let's let them have their moment."

"But, Matthieu-."

"Shh." Matthew whispered as he pulled Francis closer. "Let's go have a moment of our own."

"Honhonhonhon." Francis all but picked his lover up as they entered the house, ending the night with love instead of heartbreak.

* * *

**Please R&R ^-^**


End file.
